When I was sixteen I wrote a poem about ageing, everyone was amazed at the way I just understood the concept even though I was so young. I just understood the process, I still think I have an old soul and have been around the block a few times.
Now that I am at the age I am really ageing, it has so much more meaning. I start to see the lines on my forehead and know that it is simply inevitable. I often tell my husband that I live only for him and my kids. Because life for me sometimes is truly unbearable. But my husband says I have FOMO (fear of missing out) so for that I want to be with them every moment of their lives.
Just finished watching the series 13 Reasons Why, and it stirred up old emotions for me. I have contemplated dying a lot in my life. But since I got married and had children I just had so much to live for. I just can never be that selfish, I know their lives would be hell without me. I would create a world of issues for them, so I stick around, good days, bad days,all days.
Why are we scared of getting older and ageing? Why does it feel so unnatural, even though it’s the most natural thing to do. We fight it, and hide from it. And pretend that it just doesn’t happen.
We feel the pains and pretend we are still fine and young and can still do whatever we did when we were 20. But in truth, we can’t. And we will never be able to do them like we did at 20.
It’s depressing. But it’s part of life. So we should enjoy living while we are alive. We only get a small amount of time to do it.
Ageing – by Adelene Hartzenberg
Follow the path of broken hearts
and you will come to my door.
Memories will be the walls
and forgotten faces the door.
Looking through the window
you will see me standing
bitter and alone.
As it began it will certainly end.
Waiting for the next to knock,
Unknowing and proud.
To be moulded and made to my own perfection, to be loved forgotten and lost
that is my game.
Enjoy the process of ageing. I am embracing it, it comes with so much more things to look forward to. I hope.